It was well within my abilities to predict a Trump win and the deaths of multiple 80's pop stars. That would have been some prescient stuff right there. Instead, last year's predictions were a gutter ball. Hope springs eternal with
Predictions for 2017
- Impeachment hearings for Donald Trump are held the afternoon of his Inauguration. Somehow, 5 Senators resign from office and Trump is promoted to Super President.
- Donald Trump decides to Make Air Force One Great Again by building it out of gold. It costs 80 billion and has a 100 mile range.
- Samsung sponsors the Galaxy challenge where people record themselves using their Galaxy 7 until it explodes. The campaign results in many deaths and few videos, since they were made on exploding phones.
- Muslim terrorists get into hacking, but use axes instead of computers. Democrats blame the Russians.
- After Brexit, countries, states and neighborhoods start drawing up exit declarations. The causes the first war initiated by a Homeowners' Association.
- Barack Obama stays in DC and joins a big lobbying firm. Then he's fired because no one wants him to lobby for them.
- Predictably, Obama ends up as a weekend MSNBC host. Ratings are unaffected.
- Work on the "beautiful wall" with Mexico is stymied by lawsuits. President Trump instead builds a funnel where immigrants are forced to only go to New York or California.
- The price of produce in California goes down 15%. Medicaid costs go up 2000%.
- Google Maps and Amazon team up to deliver products using driverless cars and catapults. One billion dollars in broken merchandise is returned before the program ends.
- CBS tries to compete with NBC's Apprentice with a show where Hillary Clinton goes under cover at various companies. Most people recognize her, but few of them care.
- Parody site The Onion re-brands itself as the Most Trusted Name in Fake News.
And to all, a good night.