Rome, NY Sucks

But At Least We're Not Utica

Saturday, December 31, 2016

In 2017

It was well within my abilities to predict a Trump win and the deaths of multiple 80's pop stars. That would have been some prescient stuff right there. Instead, last year's predictions were a gutter ball. Hope springs eternal with

Predictions for 2017

  1. Impeachment hearings for Donald Trump are held the afternoon of his Inauguration. Somehow, 5 Senators resign from office and Trump is promoted to Super President.
  2. Donald Trump decides to Make Air Force One Great Again by building it out of gold. It costs 80 billion and has a 100 mile range.
  3. Samsung sponsors the Galaxy challenge where people record themselves using their Galaxy 7 until it explodes. The campaign results in many deaths and few videos, since they were made on exploding phones.
  4. Muslim terrorists get into hacking, but use axes instead of computers. Democrats blame the Russians.
  5. After Brexit, countries, states and neighborhoods start drawing up exit declarations. The causes the first war initiated by a Homeowners' Association.
  6. Barack Obama stays in DC and joins a big lobbying firm. Then he's fired because no one wants him to lobby for them.
  7. Predictably, Obama ends up as a weekend MSNBC host. Ratings are unaffected.
  8. Work on the "beautiful wall" with Mexico is stymied by lawsuits. President Trump instead builds a funnel where immigrants are forced to only go to New York or California.
  9. The price of produce in California goes down 15%. Medicaid costs go up 2000%.
  10. Google Maps and Amazon team up to deliver products using driverless cars and catapults. One billion dollars in broken merchandise is returned before the program ends.
  11. CBS tries to compete with NBC's Apprentice with a show where Hillary Clinton goes under cover at various companies. Most people recognize her, but few of them care.
  12. Parody site The Onion re-brands itself as the Most Trusted Name in Fake News.

And to all, a good night.


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