Rome, NY Sucks

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Thursday, December 31, 2015

In 2016

In a world of social media and high technology, isn't it nice to know something that started on a loose leaf notebook in high school can still be just as inane. I see pain in the future with

Predictions for 2016

1. Caitlyn Jenner has her genitals replaced with an HD camera.

2. E! channel's new show "Inside Cait" leads to the first program with negative ratings and the deaths of many E! executives.

3. Caitlyn Jenner goes to Bill Cosby's house for drinks. Cosby commits suicide 3 hours later.

4. At an "undercard" GOP debate, Jeb Bush tries to prove he's not low energy by lifting up a sword He-Man style and shouting "I have the power!" He is electrocuted when the sword breaks a light bar.

5. Mike Huckabee lays hands on Jeb and brings him back to life. Huckabee still doesn't break 10% in the polls.

6. Donald Trump announces his retirement from public life and moves to the Cayman Islands.

7. Bernie Sanders wins the Democratic nomination after a secret deal with Barack Obama where he campaigns for Hillary Clinton.

8. Gen Xers and hipsters respond surprisingly well to Jeb's He-Man performance and he wins the Republican nomination. He reluctantly chooses Mike Huckabee as his running mate since he brought Jeb back from the dead.

9. Jeb Bush wins the presidential election of 2016, but gets overexcited and drops dead during his speech. Huckabee takes over and announces a "bible code" tax plan.

10. The Catholic Church and other Christian denominations sue the government for either restricting their freedom or stealing their tax plan. The country goes another $1 trillion into debt overnight.

11. Obama says "screw this" and goes on permanent vacation in Hawaii on November 13. Joe Biden becomes president, but he's forbidden to touch most of the buttons and is only allowed 30 minutes on the phone per day.

12. Donald Trump returns to the US with all the money secreted to the Cayman Island, declaring he will put America back in the black. The media calls him a racist.


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