Rome, NY Sucks

But At Least We're Not Utica

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

In 2015

I'm making a list. I'm checking it twice. My predictions last year just didn't suffice. Nostradumbass is coming to town. He's bringing some

Predictions for 2015

1. Scientists discover an island filled with formerly missing Malaysian airplanes. The producers of Lost sue Malaysia.

2. The Obama administration lets all Cubans into America as citizens, then realizes that's been the policy for decades. They immediately revoke US citizenship from all former Cubans.

3. YouTubers issue the Ebola challenge. They film themselves giving Ebola to internet celebrities.

4. After the YouTube Plague of 2015, the collective IQ of the US goes up by 5 points.

5. After a year of no improvement in VA hospitals, the White House puts veterans on free Obamacare.

6. The military declares war on Barack Obama. For the first time in decades, the Congress actually passes a war resolution, this time against the administration.

7. Obama drafts an army of Northeast candy-ass hipsters. They surrender at the recruitment centers.

8. New York Mayor DeBlasio fires the NYPD for insubordination and buys an army of robot cops. They immediately mow him down since they were made in a union factory.

9. Obama and what's left of the Democratic leadership activate Plan B and move to Cuba. Sarah Palin becomes president.

10. Presidential approval numbers go up 100%.

11. Kim Jong Un blows up Cuba because they are an embarrassment to real Communists like himself.

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