In 2014
It's 5 o'clock New Year's Day somewhere. Right now, I think that place is Dubai. Yet again, I hang on to a tradition that started with notes passed around a high school classroom and onto the electronic pages of a nearly dead blog. If I get any followers, maybe I'll take the show to my Twitter page. Until then, I have some
Predictions for 2014
Predictions for 2014
- Twitter goes out of business, but only after it is sold to a bunch of old white investors for $10 billion dollars.
- Drone tests in Texas turn out badly as residents try and succeed at shooting many down.
- Amazon stock plummets as consumers learn their drone shipping plan is actually part of an NSA spying program.
- Yahoo becomes the new leader in online shopping when they use carrier pigeons to deliver small electronics.
- Tweets are replaced by an app called Angry Pigeons where you can order a bird to deliver a note or crap on someone, whichever is preferred.
- The Department of Health and Human Services, home of Obamacare overlords, is overrun with bird droppings.
- Kathleen Sebelius catches the avian flu and is sentenced to an Obamacare death panel when it is shown she never paid for her platinum plan.
- Just to mess with everyone, Tea Party candidates start running as Democrats when Republican leadership gives them the cold shoulder.
- After multiple forced host resignations, MSNBC decides to try an actual news format. Ratings plummet among their key demographic, hipster doofuses in ironic pajama onsies.
- Democrats win the House and the Senate, but most of them are Tea Party candidates who pledged to start impeachment hearings. Other Democrats start to go along.
- Obama, after realizing impending doom, goes to an Obamacare doctor for depression treatment. He is in a vegetative state within 24 hours, but no one can tell the difference.
- Joe Biden creates a drone president, but the public soon discovers that it is just a CPR dummy with a football for a head. They prefer it over Biden 2:1.
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