In 2024

I asked ChatGPT to write predictions for 2024. After telling me it couldn't predict the future, it ended up showing me a dark tale of horror and destruction. Well, that's no fun, so here's my dumbed down comedy about what probably won't happen.

Predictions for 2024

1. Scientists discover that everyone now has their own personal variant of COVID-19. skeptics claim this is actually just human DNA.

2. Joe Biden polls lower than most vegetables. Democrats claim this is because Americans have embraced a vegan diet.

3. Laid off tech workers ban together to program banks to send fractional cents from transactions to a secret account.

4. The hacking plan falls apart when old and young programmers can't agree on calling it the "Office Space" plan or the "Superman 3" plan.

5. Elon Musk offers a home wind turbine that can fit on the roof and power a home for $1,000. Liberals refuse to buy it and spend $50,000 for solar panels instead.

6. A laid off former Twitter employee puts the turbine in "Elon mode" where it blows up his house and decapitates nearby wildlife.

7. Most of the states that didn't vote Trump in 2016 also kick him off the ballot.

8. The Supreme Court reverses the ballot bans and January 6 prosecutions. The GOP Congress pays the defendants $1 million each in settlements that they spend on Trump merchandise.

9. Trump holds rallies in the red states that draw millions and boost the local economy. Biden goes to blue states and sings "Buffalo gal won't you come out tonight" to packed high school cafeterias.

10. Donald Trump wins the 2024 election. He then spends the next 2 months calling for Biden's resignation. Biden orders air strikes on Donald Trump. After multiple bombings, the Secret Service takes Biden away as Kamala Harris becomes the first woman president for a month.

11. Disney spends another $10 billion on movies that make no money. The company restructures into a political organization to elect Democrats.