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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

In 2009

Disturbingly, my prediction last year of Hillary Clinton losing the Iowa Caucuses (sans laser fueled rampage) was accurate. Sadly, Obama, and not Sanjaya was the American Idol whose performing abilities won America's heart. And since there is still a planet in 2009, here we go.

1. The Federal government tries to make money by putting every political office up for sale, except for president. That was bought by George Soros already.

2. GM, Chrysler and Ford merge into one automaker, calling itself Crapload. Their marketers are as good as their engineers.

3. MSNBC airs all Obama, all the time. Not much of a change, except Lock-Up stars political associates of his from Chicago.

4. Chris Matthews is asked to resign from MSNBC after spending an hour pleasuring himself to an Obama speech... for the fifth time.

5. Global warming is shown to be directly related to the hot air emitted by celebrities.

6. Governor Paterson initiates a Senator tax, leading to an influx of cash from Caroline Kennedy and a massive lawsuit by Chuck Schumer.

7. Former President George W. Bush gets a shoe endorsement contract in Iraq. That popularity eventually leads to his election as Iraq's next president.

8. Bush's oil industry connections, bold tax cuts and strong security policy leads to a successful and prosperous Iraq.

9. Barack Obama's mind control beam finally breaks down after 3 years of constant operation. One "um" laden press conference later and his approval rating drops from 90% to 40%.

10. Normal people sick of the Pacific Northwest and San Francisco political correctness move to Alaska. Through a process of intentional greenhouse emissions, part of the state is 60 degrees and sunny all year long.

11. China forecloses on America by cashing in all their debt at one time. Alaska suceeds and buys the country for a song. Sarah Palin becomes president by ownership.

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