Rome, NY Sucks

But At Least We're Not Utica

Saturday, December 31, 2005

In 2006

Since high school, I've been doing my sometimes comical New Years predictions. Some have been circulated during classes, some have been on my various web page endeavors. A number of them have been barely seen. This year they're going on my blog, the kind of place they really belong.

I batted 0 for last year's predictions, but I made one in 2003 about Bush using cell phones as tracking devices. Spooky, no?
And now, some...

Predictions for 2006

1. President Bush combines his bitterness over Social Security reform and budget complaints by taxing Social security checks.

2. Republicans running for reelection try to convince senior citizens that Bush is a dirty demmycrat.

3. NBC tries to freshen up ER by hiring an all new cast. Then they set it in a prison. Then they air another 2 episodes of Will and Grace instead.

4. Encouraged by the MTA strike, squeegee guys in NYC threaten to "clean" more windshields unless they get pension benefits from the city.

5. The ad campaign for Howard Stern's satellite show, "Get Sirius with Stern," fails miserably when fans drop the Sirius service, thinking Howard's new show will be dull and informative.

6. Desperate movie theaters facing declining patrons offer helmets so people can watch individual movies. Many theaters go out of business after lawsuits involving the neck crushing 80 lb. helmets.

7. Iraq War hawks point to the successful Iraqi Idol and Survivor: Baghdad votes as signs that things are going fine.

8. George Clooney decides to continue his trend of tedious political movies with "The Biography of Michael Moore," with Clooney in the title role.

9. NBC tries the new slogan, "NBC is Ahead of it's Time. We've Hated Clooney for Years."

10. Congress tries to close the border and create construction jobs by authorizing a huge fence. Ironically, most of the workers are illegal aliens.

11. Through a bizarre series of events, Johnny Damon becomes governor of New York.


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