Rome, NY Sucks

But At Least We're Not Utica

Friday, December 31, 2010

In 2011

While I did predict a crushing defeat in the New York gubernatorial race for Rick Lazio last year, I had no idea that it would be in the primary. Here's some more wonky and wonkish
Predictions for 2011

1. Movies have been made about 2010 and 2012, so Michael Moore tries to stay relevant by producing Centigrade 2011 about how the Republicans and Fox News created this year for the sole purpose of destroying America. Even the Cannes audience boos the premiere.

2. A new site called Leakyleaks opens up to tell the real story behind the Gulf Oil spill. It turns out poor safety oversight and lack of federal response were to blame. The site actually starts losing hits from a lack of crazy conspiracy theories.

3. President Obama becomes the first person to sign up for a state health care exchange until he finds out the District of Columbia isn't a state. Then he refuses to provide a birth certificate. Things go downhill from there.

4. Electronics manufacturers create a 4-D TV set that can transport the viewer to any time in history. Thousands disappear forever when they go into old Westerns set before electricity was available.

5. Apple goes one step too far trying to repackage old Mac computers as the new iBox.

6. Horror stores by conservatives about dozens of illegal immigrants living in one house end up encouraging people to sublet each room of their underwater mortgaged homes.

7. The average foreclosure soon makes an average of 30 people homeless.

8. To avoid unwanted man boob pictorials, President Obama starts vacationing in Chilean mines with dozens of shirtless miners and without the rest of the family. Each trip costs $58 million.

9. Tiger Woods discovers that his golf skills are entirely dependent on dalliances with loose women. Most of his endorsement money is replaced by royalties from a reality show where he dates 20 women and never kicks any of them out of the mansion.

10. Jealous of Sarah Palin's reality career, BET airs "Barack Obama's Chicago." The president is arrested for selling political favors after the first episode is aired.

Labels: ,


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home